Boldly Defying Yourself

It is often in life that we are faced, or shall I say, confronted with our own weaknesses and shortcomings. It takes discipline to keep our strengths and passions at the forefront of our minds and to persistently pursue them. Weakness would suggest that we have areas of our lives that hold us back that we have to fight against in order to overcome ourselves. To be human is to have faults and idiosyncrasies that make us individuals and that bind us together all the same. As powerful as our weaknesses may seem to hold us back or keep us from acting on our most noble character, we consistently have the choice to embrace our capacity to thrive and succeed.

Albert Einstein once said "weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character." As our attitude shifts, so can our character, or those attributes that distinguish us as individuals. In a single day, how can we gauge our attitude and therefore our character? What do people say about you if they are trying to describe your character? Usually it comes down to the simple things. How loyal we are to our commitments, whether we maintain an optimistic outlook on our circumstances, how we treat others, if we live with integrity, and more.

Are there areas in your life where your attitude is concealing a deeper more true character? If you could boldly defy your own weaknesses, laziness or pessimism, what would you pursue? These are the areas where we challenge our own attitude to believe something bigger and better can be made of our lives. It is in these beliefs that we choose to believe we are made of hope, success, beauty, ability, intelligence, and moxie to be the person we know we are at our core.

Defying yourself isn't about punishment or disbelief- it is exactly the opposite. Putting yourself to the challenge of defying yourself is about believing beyond any lies, fears, faults, or circumstance that may stand in your way of being boldly you! In January of 2011 Restoration Fitness is holding a Resolution Fitness Challenge. The challenge is meant to give you support and education that will allow you to find success in your health. I challenge you to join us!

What's cheating me?

Nobody likes a cheater. So why do we let ourselves be cheated? We have all been persuaded, deceived, or influenced by a lie. However, we don't have to be outright lied to in order to be lured into believing we would be better off if ____ (fill in the blank). We don't even have to believe we would be better off, we just have to believe that whatever we are choosing to do or believe will benefit us or those we love in some way.

I can't even count how many women I have come across who are burned out, stressed, over-tired, and ready to throw in the towel, but for whatever reason, they continue to over-commit to keep the status quo going in their family or work. So how do we know what is permissible? Some people can give nearly all their possessions away and be perfectly content, others can't live without having tangible beauty around them. Some need to exercise to keep their sanity, while others can go without and still feel OK. There is no single right answer.

What we need to ask ourselves is, what am I doing or thinking that is cheating me from creating the joy I desire for my life? I faced this head on when I realized I was too attached to running. Of course exercise is good for me, and of course it is healthy, but in the end, my obsession with it was keeping me from connecting with the people I loved. What I thought I needed and couldn't live without, was really simply all about me. It was a self-absorbed way for me to get a fix. In letting go of what I thought I should do or what I had to do, I realized I could run for fun. I started to see how running wasn't my identity, it was just a way of moving. What is keeping you from living out your deep values, morals and beliefs? What is cheating you out of love, compassion, joy, abundance, or content? Nothing can cheat you of these things if you take responsibility for your actions. Examine your walk. Does it line up with your values, morals, and beliefs? Are you making clear choices based on these rather than the should's, ought to's, or guilty persuasions?

Water Cooler Talk- What does it do for you?

After a class yesterday, every one of the participants hung around discussing the latest diet craze. I encourage people to talk about their struggles, what is working for them, and what is not- so it is not surprising to hear people throwing out information that they think will help, since it is working for them.

In all honesty, I don't know that every fad diet is the worst thing in the world for everyone. Sometimes a little more awareness about how much we really eat can become clear when we do some calorie restriction. And sometimes it is best for people to go completely off the recommendation of 5-6 meals a day and start listening to their bodies signal for when they are hungry and when they are full. And still others need to simply learn to eat whole foods and do more meal planning. What chaps my hide is that everyone is effected by conversations about dieting very differently. Some automatically dismiss it, others grab on to every detail and will try anything to lose weight. I work with multiple clients who have disordered eating. And the majority of women, whether they admit it or not, have distorted body image. The real question for me has never been- how did you lose the weight, it is why does being thin automatically make make us think you are better off? Do we even think about what we are saying and how it effects others?

It isn't just our societal and cultural expectations, it is the expectation we have of ourselves to look a certain way. It can be for health reasons, but at a certain point, it is less about health and more about making sure people perceive us as productive, meaningful, and accepted. I love to workout, and I value the fact that I am healthy- but I don't obsess over how many miles I run, how many times a week I lift weights, or how many calories I ate yesterday. I learned long ago that I wanted to fill my mind and heart with other details. I am speaking for myself here. I realize that the shame and discouragement that can come from not being able to loose weight is devastating. I want nothing more than for people to gain confidence through pursuing great things in their physical being. However, I am certain, that at least for me- the thing I will be thinking about most on my death bed will not be the size of my pants, the number on my scale, or how great I looked in my dress- it will be the people I loved and that loved me through this crazy roller-coaster of a life. Interestingly, later that same afternoon, another client of mine said, "It's not what you think you should do it is what you will do. Let's take out the should and focus on the will...once you take care of that step, then maybe we can look closer and bridging the gap." Why do we feel we should?

Getting more drastic, let's remove the word 'diet' and 'should' from our vocabulary. Let's start complimenting each other not for our amazing weight loss feat- but for our decision to start doing what we really know is best for us (and for those we love) and let the should's fall to the way side.

Fighting for Your Heart

We hurt sometimes. There is no need to justify or rationalize it. Life can get messy, and we hurt. And when we hurt, we can either acknowledge it and feel it, retreat from it and pretend it isn't there, or wallow in it and let it take over our lives. It's interesting that we can know what we hurt about, and we can see hurt in others, but we shuffle past it within ourselves and in our interactions with others as though it is a discarded picture frame we have grown used to on the shelf.

Pain is a part of our journey, however pain is also a part of our story and therefore a part of our growth. For if we do not allow it to grow and mature us, we have labored over our grief in vain. As difficult as thinking about our pain becoming something more positive can be, we must consider how we can turn our grief into something valuable and share our life lessons with those who can learn from us. In this phase of my life, it is often times all I can do to put on a smile and get through the day. It isn't pretending, it is just functioning to so that I can continue the process of living amongst the process of grieving and accepting. And that is OK.

What grieves you? Are you frustrated with an illness, a bad relationship, or your lack of will power to make changes in your life? One of the greatest problems with grief is that it coaxes us to withdraw and become self-focused. On the other hand, in order to hide from our pain, we may withdraw from our own body or life in order to cope. This is so dangerous, because the more we place everyone else's needs before our own, or ignore our needs, the more we disconnect from what is the truest thing about us- our hearts. I challenge everyone to take time for themselves everyday. A part of this self-reflection is to check in with how you are doing. What are you feeling? What is true for you today? Compare what you feel is true to what your reality really is. Often times our emotional reality and our true reality are very much at odds with one another. To get in touch with this, we must give ourselves the space to listen. As the voice of truth comes through, will you honor it? What will doing what your heart truly needs bring you? If it is more peace, more love, and more grace for yourself and for others- then ACT.

Changing to Overcome Fear

After five years in a home that has brought much disappointment and lost dreams, we are moving out in 2 weeks. Only a month into purchasing our home, we have been imagining the day when we would finally be able to leave. The crazy and kind of stupid thing is that now that the day is drawing near, I am beginning to freak out.

Isn't it funny how when facing change, the things we thought we wanted so much are the things we begin to fear? Right now, the fear is that we won't be able to recover; that the sale of our house and the prospect of a new direction will only bring more heartache. There is such a correlation to what I am facing now and what I perceive as the process some us go through with acting in love toward our bodies. Thinking that we will finally be happy when we shed the weight, or we can wake up and not constantly worry about what we will eat or how we will feel we build up the moment of change so much that we can begin to fear it. We want to protect our hearts from having to possibly deal with more failure, more disappointment, or more change that doesn't give us what we hoped for. This protective mechanism might help dull the pain, but it robs us from enjoying the journey toward a life full of mystery and unexpected joy. It's risky to put our hearts out there and really try for something bigger and better, only to feel like life has failed us, or worse, we have failed ourselves.

Leo F. Buscaglia said, "The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live." No matter how much fear might rise up within us, we must keep pressing into it with our hands open to the possibility of making change that will teach us more about how to love ourselves and others. We can't control every step of the way, but we can decide how we will move forward. What steps will you take today to move away from fear, anxiety, doubt, and confusion and more toward conviction, love, optimism, and hope? There is so much already within you to trust. Sometimes we just need a big step of faith to stand up to our fears!

Praying for Life

Good Friday is tomorrow. Regardless of your faith, you most likely pray in some way. Why is this? My guess is either we believe prayer works through our connection to a higher power or it is a reminder that we better get cracking to save ourselves. The psalmist David prayed, "Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once again." - Psalm 71:20-21

Restoration is a process by which the lost, broken, lifeless, or damaged is brought back to its original condition, state, or energy level. To believe you can be restored is to believe that you have something of value, worth, and meaning that needs to be brought back to the surface once again. To me, this is our life process: to enjoy the freedom to express more and more of the goodness, love, and unique character that is you by learning from and living beyond all that has been bruised and hidden because of the abuse and "troubles" (as the psalmist writes) in our lives.

I can't pretend to understand the anguish you might have been through because of family strife, financial worries, death, devastation of a dream, or any other host of problems. Each of us has a story that is filled with personal details that have let us down, or that have left us confused about why our life isn't working out like we thought it might. Thankfully, we all have this in common. The real question is not why, but how will you deal with the disappointment? Many of you who work with Restoration Fitness are on a journey to recapture the joy you may have lost in loving your body. There a million and one reasons for why you may have lost or want to maintain the "body you want".

Here is my question for you: Do you have confidence that your life and joy will be restored? Is there an expectation within you, without any harbor of doubt, that you can be brought up from the depth of your despair about your weight or how you look? What will bring you comfort along your journey? David knew that he would be restored, rescued, and comforted. Perhaps prayer isn't something you practice or want to practice, but can you sense how just reading David's words helps us move forward with confidence and peace? He isn't sitting around saying "Oh my god, I can't believe my life is like this, what is wrong with me, why can't I get my $#it together, I am all alone, poor me" etc., etc. We don't pray or wish or meditate to simply ask that our troubles be taken away. We pray to get through them and come out victorious in the end. We want victory not just to have happiness, rather, to engage in this life fully with those around us without reservation or regret. The victory awaits you, will you take the steps to seek the restoration of your body and heart, or will you let another month or year go by neglecting their importance? Take 5-10 minutes today to simply sit in silence to listen to what your body and heart need or what they are telling you.

Photo from GreyBlueSkies' photostream

Lying Hope

Mysteriously, hope is a thing that either we wrestle with, or that we let slip away. We are either praying to God that things get easier and we can stop all this clamoring to get what we need- what we hope for; or we are settle in for the journey and let ourselves lie with hope. This might mean that we are lying to ourselves that we really are hopeful when in fact we are actually hating every second of our plight, or we may actually be resting in hope and letting it guide us.

Hope sits with us through many things in life. We hope we get asked to the dance by the guy we like. We hope we will fit into our favorite jeans. We hope our friends will be faithful through our trials. We hope we don't get sick. We hope we find a job we love that pays us well and that we enjoy. We hope that when our finances faulter we will have the ability to bounce back. It seems our "hope list" lengthens with every breath we take. Like wrestling with a fish, it seems hope can often wiggle its way into worry. Living with hope transforms us into trusting ourselves, trusting our God, and trusting those we love.

We live in a world full of failure, disappointment, lost causes, and defeat. We love gossip and to hear when another person is down- simply to lift us up, and to give us hope that we are not alone.

Hope. How we handle hope is how we handle everything. Are you willing to believe that things can be different? Will you trust that when you decide to change, you have the power to do it? Can you act in faith that you have a story that matters and that what you do with your hope can impact not only the positive outcome of your life, but of the lives around you? What do you believe? Who do you or can you trust? Don't just lie down to resignation and fear. REST in hope by lying with it for awhile and living in trust.

Do you Dare??

How dare you think you are beautiful? What with the amount of movie stars and popular girls out there who have their perfect pair of jeans...that fit, and the bigger boobs, and their makeup or hair so polished no matter what time of day it is. Isn't it easy to compare ourselves to other women and wish we had what they have? We miss the opportunity to love ourselves and to uplift one another.

We wonder if there is something more we could do, if we would just exercise more, or eat a little less. What about that article in People...didn't it say I should wear boots with these to make my butt look better? We obsess over ourselves and jealously salivate over other women. The posture is one of inferiority or rage, either way, it puts us in a place where we are not enough.

In 2004, I helped with medical services for the women's 3-day walk in Chicago. It changed my life to be a part of women lifting each other up in hope and love, struggling for the ability to help a sister in need. We might bake a dinner for a friend or watch her kids from time to time when she is struggling, but when was the last time you fought for your heart to be free to love other women so that they might prosper beyond you? I doubt any of us would volunteer that we are petty enough to succumb to jealousy, spite, competitiveness, or bitterness...but it these are probably some of the cornerstone pitfalls for women. This test could give you a clue if you aren't sure if you really are that much of a jealous person. But what would change about your life if rather than feeling jealousy, envy, rage, etc, you instead laid it down and start to increase our security in ourselves? Do you dare to believe you are beautiful, good enough, and valuable just as you are? Wrestle those mental demons down and stand up for your heart, dear friend. Constantly comparing yourself will only take you down to another persons level. You are who you are for a very special and specific reason. Own it!

Toxic talk

You know how it goes. You call a friend thinking you will just catch up, and before you know it she is either complaining about how she is growing out of all her clothes, or she just hit the diet jackpot and recently lost 15 pounds. You want to relate to her or comfort her by identifying with where she is emotionally, but all you can think is...come on, is this all there is to life? And yet, there is something central in our desire to want to compete with one another or look the best. We want to be beautiful, and we want to feel confident in our own skin. We have been trained by society to believe that when we are in pain it is out bodies fault, or that the only way we can be truly happy, is when our body looks exactly as it "should". Where is the authenticity in thinking like this?

Let's be honest, haven't we all stepped on the scale at some point in our life and allowed it to dictate how we felt about ourselves? Less in this case might equal "good", and more might equal "bad" and if we are "bad" we must "fix" ourselves. This leads to patterns of self-destruction by yo-yo eating and erratic or extreme exercise to make sure we stay within the box. Why in the world do we all think we have to try to be the same size or that this is better? Obviously, our society places a great emphasis on thinness. Did you know that the center for disease control is coming out with new research that suggests that those who are in the overweight health category actually live the longest? Ha! Take that all you who say that it isn't about being thin it's about being healthy. Being healthy means we do things that support our entire life: body, mind, and spirit. We nourish our body with a wide variety of foods that help energize us and bring us satisfaction, we choose movement that helps us feel better in all of our daily tasks and that makes us feel alive, and we spend time developing our sense of self by identifying and investing in ourselves.

Your weight isn't a behavior. It might be one result of many behaviors, but let's start sharing these behaviors with our friends. In doing so we highlight the real issue behind the number or the size. Seek out communities that will support you in your quest to maintain self-love and a life of healthy habits around loving the skin you are in. Talk can be toxic, so let's clean it up and start loving one another to our own greatness. Because, we are all different...and that's beautiful.

What gives you Hope?

We stand in hope every day of our lives. If we don't, we are in despair. To be in despair is to lose all hope or confidence. To hope is to long for the best outcome in our lives; to expect our dreams will be fulfilled; and to live with optimism about our choices.

It is possible to go about life from day to day trying to ignore our hopes for a better world, an easier lifestyle, a smaller pants size, or our desire to find the perfect job. But it is in hoping that we are brought to a place where we must trust that our lives and the lives of those around us really do matter. As we hope, we put ourselves in a position where we must believe in an inherent good, regardless of where we feel like life has done us "wrong". Where have you been "wronged"? Are you disappointed about something you can't seem to achieve, or that your feel you deserve, but aren't getting? With all the devastation around us it is natural to get pulled into a state of disappointment.

This video made me think about what I am hoping for, in the midst of my disappointment. How can you keep you own hope alive for the goodness of life to prevail today? I challenge you to ask the question, and start asking others what they hope for. You might be surprised to find that your previous state of despair will start to deflate as you notice the kindness and love around you.

Are you Healthy?

In 1986, the World Health Organization defined health as "a resource for everyday life, not the objective of living. Health is a positive concept emphasizing social and personal resources, as well as physical capacities." Umm. OK. So what does that mean??

Let's just say health is achieved through the well-being of our physical, mental, emotional & social "Health Triangle". Each of these categories has multiple definitions, we can individualize them to make them even more unique in their specificity. So, how do we know if we are "healthy"? There are multiple blood tests, scans, physical exams, mental tests, and emotional markers to look at, but lets focus on a few that you can start paying attention to right now in your own home:

1) Resting Heart Rate: The best time to find out your resting heart rate is in the morning, after a good night's sleep, and before you get out of bed. It is easiest to find you pulse at your wrist or neck. Ideally, your resting heart rate will fall somewhere between 55-75 beats per minute, with athletes showing heart rates as low as 40 beats per minute. As you track your resting heart rate, you may notice that you can predict when you are coming down with an infection, are over training, or under more stress than normal. Having a lower resting heart rate will also indicate that you are improving your health over time.
2) Hydration Urine Test: The color of your urine can indicate your hydration level (see color chart). The optimal color of urine is a straw yellow color. Mild dehydration will make your urine a slightly darker or brighter yellow color. If your urine is bordering on a golden-brown color you are severely dehydrated. Some vitamins can change the color of your urine, so keep this in mind. Dehydration can lead to an increased heart rate, headaches, thirst, dry or acne prone skin, muscle cramping, constipation, fatigue, decreased sweating, an increase in body temperature, and much more. At a mere 10% dehydration level, our cells begin to get compromised and can start to die.
3) Body Circumference Measures: You can simply measure at the arms, chest, waist, hips, and thighs and add the total for a way to compare how your body can change with improved exercise and nutrition. But the US Navy has come up with a way to use 3-4 measurement sites to estimate your body fat percentage. You will need to know your height and the circumference measure around your neck (just below the larynx or "adams apple"), at the smallest part of your waist, and hips (for women only). Once you have these measures you can plug them in to this online calculator. Recommendations for body fat percentages depend on your age, but should ideally fall somewhere between 23-39% for women, and 15-27% for men.
4) Mental Health Questionnaires: There are multiple different questionnaires that target specific mental and emotional issues. Mental-Health-Today has some great tests that will give you results for you to take to a qualified physician or counselor for further assistance. If you test OK, and just need a boost in your mental fitness, try these websites for some exercise for your brain!
5) Know your Values: Often times our relationships turn sour when we don't honor our own values or we choose to take on the value of others rather than value ourselves. Take this test to assess your core values and get real with your social health.

Above all, listen to your heart and body. Do you feel healthy? If you don't get a check-up with your doctor, join a health club or support group, and start making a plan to take one step at a time to improve how you feel physically, mentally, and emotionally. The only person who can ultimately change you is YOU! Take control of the things that are in immediate need today, even if that means letting go of a few friends or habits. For more information about healthy habits, see my RestoreFitness YouTube videos!

Is food the missing link?

Food. We have to have it, and yet, sometimes...well, it is a nuisance. Either we just don't have time for it, or we are obsessed with it, or we simply wish it would cook itself. It is a joy to be able to have wonderful smells, and savory tastes, but it can also get us into trouble when it becomes challenging to stop our cravings or dependence on food to regulate our moods. Food is a fuel. In its most pure form, it is meant to give us energy and vital nutrients to bring us life. However, in the another sense, it is also what brings us joy during times of socialization or comfort during times of stress.

What is food to you? Have you ever thought about it? There was a time in my life where food was an obsession. I thought about it all the time wondering when I would eat, what I would eat, where I would get my next meal, or what everyone else was eating around me. I controlled food as a way to control my environment. Now (at least 90% of the time) food is simply something I need to eat to prevent my stomach from growling. Don't get me wrong, I like to eat. It's just I have stopped using food as much as a drug and more as a way to get and keep energy.

Julia Ross, the author of the book The Diet Cure, states that most people eat too few calories, they don't have a "real' appetite, and that they can't discipline themselves because their biochemistry is off. Great! I can finally forget the excuse of laziness or gluttony. I hear it over and over again...it isn't that people typically aren't trying, it's that they aren't seeing results or they are sabotaging themselves right and left by going back to their unhealthy habits. Julia's suggestions aren't easy though. She has worked with addicts for years and has found that amino acids, the nutrients found in protein, are the "miracle cure" for those with eating disorders, weight problems, yo-yo dieting habits, low energy, and many others. Think that describes you? Take her quick symptom questionnaire to start looking at what could be at the root of your problem.

The following 8 steps are her cure for dieting and getting balance back in your relationship with food:
1) Correct brain chemistry imbalances
2) End low-calorie dieting
3) Balance unstable blood sugar
4) Repair low thyroid function
5) Overcome addictions to foods you are allergic to (that's right...you could be eating something that is at the very least an intolerance, but even more, could be triggering your cravings).
6) Calm hormonal havoc
7) Eradicate yeast overgrowth
8) Fix Fatty Acid deficiency

I highly recommend her book, and will be posting more about her tips. Her book is more of a repair manual than an informational tool. First and foremost, as with any 8-12 step program is admitting you have a problem. If you aren't satisfied with your health, keep focusing on it with a consistent intention. It will only improve if you do something about it!

image by JungleBoy, Flickr CreativeCommons

Goals in the New Year

A new decade has arrived, and with it, a revived sense that the universe has opened a new door to reveal fresh light on our lives. Whether that means re-organizing our homes, setting a new budget, or making small or large changes, we all have an inner desire to create a life that embodies greater meaning and expresses more gratitude, peace, and joy. Isn't that what all the greeting cards said over the last month anyway?

A friend of mine said that she recently heard of something called "post-holiday depression". Interestingly, it would appear that our tendency in January is to push really hard to get the new year started off with a high intensity and purpose. However, many of us still need time to simply relax and simply let ourselves BE. In the spirit of the new year, my business recently launched a 90 day Healthy Habits Challenge. Needless to say there has been great intensity and focus for this challenge to birth, and in my own way, I am encouraging others to step up to the plate and battle to change their health through improved sleep, stress management, consuming more nutrient dense foods, and increasing their quality and quantity of exercise.

The catch is that we do want our lives to be more rich with healthy habits and to feel better about our bodies. The likelihood of this happening simply because we wish it would is pretty low. But there is something that transpires in us when we focus on our physical and mental health that strengthens our whole countenance. We are better able to handle life's ups and downs, we are more able to fully engage in our relationships, and we are more willing to take risks to express our true identity because we have learned how to love ourselves well along the way.

My suggestions to overcome your own Post-Holiday Blues?...

• Don't bite off more than you can chew.
• Set authentic and realistic expectations and goals.
• Be patient with the process.
• Cut yourself some slack.
• Always find fun in small steps and progress along the way.

Think of the movie Rudy. What would it look like for you to be your own Rudy? What would would you win at the end, and how will it satisfy your ultimate dreams?

image by quinn.anya

90 Day Healthy Habits; Day 4, Cut Yourself Some Slack

Making healthy changes can be extremely hard. Depending on where you are starting from, you may have a lot of changes to make. Don't try to bite off more than you can chew. This process is 90 days for a reason. Some people may find that going "cold turkey" on some things works best, however, if you find that you are beating yourself up and sabotaging your progress because you can't get it all perfect, then you probably need to cut yourself some slack. Focus on your top 3 goals that will get you closer to your desired health status. Get these down before you try to tackle more!